Friday, October 14, 2016

Story: The Voyages of Baham

The Voyage of Baham

Illustration by Dulac
2016
--October 1st, 1637--

     I am Baham. I sailed the seas from the Persian Gulf through the Arabian Sea, to the East Indies and around the Pacific. I saw the things that many sailors have dreamt. I saw mythical Rocs with large wings and sharp claws that would make a sailor reach for the nearest bottle of wine. I followed in my father's footsteps growing up, learning the trade of merchants.
     While wandering through the maze of merchants in the market, an officer of the Caliph approaches me. He asks me to set sail with a message and a gift for the King of Serendib. In return, a fortune to keep my family happy and prosperous for many generations. We are to set sail a week from now.


--October 7th, 1637--

     Suddenly, as we are closing in on the wharf of our destination, pirates come up on our port-side. Their boat is quick and catches us. They board our ship and seize our fortune. They kill those who resist and imprison those who mercifully surrender immediately. I am one of those. The pirates take us far from our destination and leave us stranded on an island. The sand is different here than the sand at my home country. It is not soft on our feet and does not dance across the seafloor as you walk to shore. 

--October 10th, 1637--

     With three days of no food and no water, we have sat on the beach dying. We are sweating through our clothes in the beating sun and a heat that whispers sinful thoughts to our ears. We hear something coming from the forest behind us. Men approach dressed in simple and bare clothes with guns and spears. We try to talk to them and they refuse to engage. We submit and they tie us by our hands. Connecting one person to another they chain us together and lead us to their village. Once we enter the village, we are locked away in a highly innovative construction of wood. A large man casts a shadow over the door frame as he approaches. He orders our release and pays the guards in gold. His face is aged, his chest large and his hands strong. There stands before me a rich merchant.

     "What is your name?" He glares down at me.

     "My name is Baham. I come from Baghdad"

     "Can you use a rifle?" He smirks.

     "Does the sun set to the West?"

      Over time, he continually nourishes us, teaches us about the wild elephants that he hunts, and makes us work his land to build our strength. One night, he takes me into the forest where we shoot the elephants, bury their bodies by a river, and dig up the remains of previous kills. Their tusks are worth more than my life. He brings the tusks to the merchants on the docks and is paid in handfuls of gold, silver and glittering jewels.

-- December 16th, 1637--

     Two months have passed and there has not been a day that I have not killed an elephant. Night is approaching and I have not seen a single elephant. Suddenly, with a hard slam to the tree, I fall from one branch to another. There stands an elephant on the other side. Again, another hard slam to the tree trunk as I brace myself. The elephant stares at me with full focus.

     What is going on?

     I pull my rifle from behind my back and load the gun. A stampede of elephants hollering with their tusks raised are coming my direction. With another hard slam by the elephant below me, my gun escapes my hands and falls to the ground. He lets out a loud holler and slowly pushes his front legs on the tree trunk sending a series of cracks up the trunk. The stampede is encroaching the tree and roaring from the top of their snouts. I am crawling my way to the center of the tree when the largest elephant emerges from the herd. The herd drops their trunks. The largest elephant is missing an eye and has claw marks across his forehead. With a smooth and slow motion, he wraps his trunk around the center of the tree.

     What am I to do?

     With a mighty tug, the elephant uproots the tree and brings me crashing down entangled in the tree limbs. He picks me up by the waist and sits me on his back. I grab onto his side and do not move. We move deep into the forest. Night is coming and the elephants have not made a sound since the tree was brought down. The elephant picks me off his back like a flea on a dog and sits me down in a pile of bones. The bones are large. They vary from skulls, to huge femurs... to tusks. It's their burial ground.
Illustration by H. J. Ford
2016
   
     The elephants surround me.

     What is happening?

     The elephants begin to stomp. The ground shakes and the bones vibrate beneath me. I turn in circles looking around and struggle to stand on the pile of bones dancing around my feet. The biggest elephant stands there calm before me while the others parade around and stomp the ground. He looks me in the eyes and raises his trunk. The herd stop their stomp and stand where they are. The largest elephant slowly reaches out his trunk just in front of my face. He blows a gust of breath through his trunk that knocks me on my back. He approaches me further until his feet are just before my feet. The bones beneath his feet are crushed to dust. He lifts his trunk once again, but the elephants do not move nor make a sound. I am at a loss for my mind with no words to be fathomed. He raises his leg and brings it above me.

     The night bursts with colors and a deathly pain.

THE END.


Author's Notes:

     The name 'Baham' I found on Wikipedia under Arabic Star names. I originally was looking got something elephant related or relating to wanderer or traveler, but I liked this one as well. According to the Wikipedia page, S'ad al Biham (Baham) means 'Luck of the Young Beasts'. Although he does not get away in this story, typically Sindbad makes an escape from whichever adventure he is on. So I found it to still be appropriate.
Link

     I completely changed the ending of this story into something more menacing. The story originally has the main character returning home again and escaping death as he always does, but I wanted to make this literally his "last voyage" of his seven voyages that are all different parts of the book. Making this his last voyage was difficult to do in terms of demonstrating the passing of time, making the story told in present tense, and truly avoiding making this seem as if it were a diary.

     The original story says that the elephants brought the main character, named Sindbad, to the deep parts of the forest and leave him there in an elephant burial ground where he escapes and lives happily ever after back at home with his family and lots of money. But I researched more into the spiritual and mythological meaning of elephants. They are seen as the wise chief who impartially settles disputes among the forest creatures. Wisdom is represented by the elephant in the form of the deity Ganesha, one of the most popular gods in the Hindu religion's pantheon. Similarly, the African elephant is seen as the wise chief who impartially settles disputes among the forest creatures in African fables, and the Ashanti tradition holds that they are human chiefs from the past.
Link

So, in relation to my story, they end Sindbad’s life because he is disrupting the prosperity of elephants in the region. They are heavily hunted for their tusks, so I was able to make this Sindbad’s “last voyage” and essentially restore balance to the forest.

Bibliography:

The legend of Sindbad the Sailor is just one of the many delights contained in the book known as The Arabian Nights or the 1001 Nights. This reading unit, drawn from Lang's Arabian Nights' Entertainments, includes all seven voyages of Sindbad the Sailor as told in first-person by Sindbad himself.
Link

13 comments:

  1. Hey Austin,

    I really liked your adaption of Sinbad that you wrote about in your post, it was creative and very well written. The story itself made me think of the movie "In the Heart of the Sea" where the main character is going out on one last voyage to try to get whale oil. I thought the way you wrote it in first person made the story flow really well. I really enjoyed your story and I'm looking forward to reading more of your stories this semester.

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  2. I really enjoyed reading your story. I have never heard the original story, but yours was very interesting. The ending was very menacing, but it was very intriguing and kept me wondering what was going to happen. I did notice a few mistakes, probably just from typing fast. I do that all the time. There were one or two spots where it seemed like a new sentence was starting, but there wasn’t a period separating the first sentence from the next. There was also a spot where you seemed to state the same sentence again. It was where you talked about how big the ship was and the crew with young faces and worn bodies. Overall I thought you did a great job with the story, especially since it was a longer story. I could see how much work you put into it.

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  3. Hey Austin,

    I really liked your story. I thought it was pretty well written, especially your narrative voice was consistent and convincing. I am not familiar with the original story, but your alteration to the narrative was pretty seamless. I couldn't tell what actually happened, in fact, until I saw the image I thought the elephant part was completely new!

    Keep up the good work!

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  4. Hey Austin, your story was actually very nice. The more I read, the more captivating your story was. I did read this story so I know perfectly the actual one and I have to admit you made some big changes to the ending of it. However, I do not understand why you use both names Arvio and Avario. Anyway thanks for sharing and I look forward to your future posts.

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  5. Austin, I loved the way you wrote from an entire first person point of view with no dialogue. I think I connected more to the story because it wasn't broken up by dialogue. Honestly, being lost at sea or captured are two of my biggest fears, so this story really pulled me in. The description really painted a picture of Arvio's experience. The closer to the end, I didn't think that the character would meet such a devastating end because it's a fictional story. Much to my surprise, the elephants really ended Arvio's journey. Even though the story was told from Arvio's point of view, I found that I was hoping the elephants would get justice. I could really tell you put a lot of effort into the story and took him on a journey from the boat to captivity to "freedom" and finally to death. I think this is a great story to have in your portfolio and I hope to read more!

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  6. Your story is beautifully written and I found it very captivating. I really like your use of descriptive words and how you really paint a picture of man traveling at sea and then hunting elephants.
    I would be interested to see more dialogue in your story as you do such a great job with description.

    I do wonder, why would he not try and go home? Is he now a slave to this merchant man who paid his way out of prison?

    I like that the elephants were able to exact revenge for their loss of other elephants. I feel it was deserved. I also liked how you ended your story. The description of pain and colors was very well done. Do you think the elephants will continue to kill the hunters as they are able?

    I really look forward to seeing the rest of your portfolio as this story left me wanting to read more of your stories. Great job!

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  7. Wow! That was an amazing story. I’ll admit it confused me when the first jump in storyline happened, it explains so much in the beginning. It seemed a bit like diary writing in the beginning, when it kept skipping through storyline. It was a captivating story, even though I haven’t read the original. I felt bad for the Elephants, that the main character was involved in the ivory trade. I thought originally, when the elephants kidnapped Arvio and brought him to their burial ground, that the elephants meant for the hunters to take the tusks from the already dead elephants there and stop killing the current herd. Boy was I wrong though! I can’t say that I really blame the elephants though. You really paint the elephants as intelligent creatures, they all coordinated the killing of Arvio. I wonder what would have happened if Arvio had stood up against any of the challenges that came his way? He really seemed to just go with the flow, but maybe that’s the way the original story went too!

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  8. First off, I love how you’ve separated your different scenes into what initially feels like a captain's log—and how the first one functions as a sort of prologue. The little details you sprinkled in to flesh out your story world were especially nice, like the tidbit about the sand being different on the island than back at home. The elephant-graveyard setting of the big climax felt almost cinematic, and it seemed even more fitting once I read the author’s note and realized it wasn’t from the original story.

    Really, aside from a couple of typos, I don’t have any constructive criticism to offer for the story itself—it was a great read. The only suggestion I have is for your author’s note: you might want to consider putting the backstory about your decision behind the protagonist’s name after the rest of the note. It was interesting, but the information about the source material and the explanation behind your retelling would probably have a stronger impact if they immediately followed that ending. Also, it looks like some copying and pasting or something might’ve messed with the formatting of your last few paragraphs; highlighting them and hitting the Tx button in Blogger should take care of that.

    But I really enjoyed this story, and it was interesting to see how you wove the Sinbad tale with your elephant research. Thanks for the great read!

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  9. You are very descriptive in this story. I like how to tell the story in the diary-like format. I think is an useful way to tell a long story without being too lengthy. I really like the last scene where Baham was kidnapped by the elephants and brought to their burial ground. The last paragraph gave me chill. As for Baham’s reaction, it is very understandable and relatable to everybody. Not many people thought about the elephants will take revenge on their hunters. For this part, I especially amazed by your effort in going beyond the story and did extra research on these amazing creatures. To me, this detail showed that the elephants are smart enough to aware what the human is doing to them, which implying that killing the intelligent creature for money is unacceptable. Finally, you ended the story strongly and chilliness. However, there are some misspelled words like Baghdad instead of Bagdad and a missing “e” for He in “H bring the tusk…” I think you can fix all this small mistakes if you read it again. I also want to ask why there are many phrases highlighted. It is hard to read and distracting. Are you going to remove it or planning to do something with it? Great story! I am looking forward for your next story.

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  10. This is a very good story. A wow moment for me was the storyline was he was bought to help the merchant kill elephants. I have a few ways that you could improve this story. One way would be to add a little bit more description in the initial part of the story. There was a sequence of quick decisive sentences in the first few paragraphs. This is not a bad thing, but if you added more description it would give the story a fuller feeling. Another thing is it would add a lot to the story if you were to describe an instance of death for the elephant. This would give a lot more emotional connection to the creatures in the story. I really enjoyed your change to the story at the end. It definitely made it more realistic.

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  11. This was a great story. I did think it was a diary at first with the dates but later on it seemed like he was recording his thoughts in real time when he was asking questions so I think you did a good job there of making sure it's interpreted as happening in the present. My only critique is the last line there. You say explodes in colors and pain. That makes me think he is still alive if he's experiencing sensory things like that. You might want to make it a little more clear that he actually died. Maybe a quick add on saying that those colors and pain faded into nothingness. I think it would give better closure.

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  12. Wow, that would be so scary! I really liked your description of the sand on the new island versus sand in his home country. I could picture and feel it easily. I also liked your dialogue. His quip about the sun in the west was great. I’ve never read the original so I was surprised by the turn of events, but I think that you did a nice job retelling it!

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  13. I love the organization of this story! Such a cool idea and the layout looks great! You obviously put a lot of heart/soul/effort into this story and it really shows. I can tell that this wasn’t something that you just did to get the points! I also love how you separated those questions at the end. It made for a very interesting pausing point in the story. It added a lot of suspense. You did a great job diving into the feelings and emotions of the character and it brought the story to life! Great job and good luck with dead week and finals!

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